Language Use: Widow and Widower

Dictionaries say that the word "widow" means a woman whose husband has died and that the word "widower" means a man whose wife has died. Some dictionaries elaborate further by saying that a widow is a woman whose husband has died and has not remarried and that a widower is a man whose wife has died and has not remarried. At first glance, these words appear equal. However, the usage of the two nouns is anything but equal.

Newspaper, magazine and Internet articles regularly refer to the surviving spouse of a man who had died as "his widow" yet the surviving spouse of a woman who has died a is much less commonly referred to as "her widower". Even after the death of a man's wife, her surviving spouse is still often referred to as "her husband" despite the fact that he is a widower. An online search reveals a much higher number of results with the words "his widow" that those containing the words "her widower". Also, there were many more results containing "widow of" than "widower of". What are the reasons behind this unequal use of what should be two parallel words?

Robin Lakoff, in her book "Language and Woman's Place" which formed the start of Gender and Language Studies, comments on how this discrepancy has always historically occurred because for centuries women were defined by their husbands and not as people in their own right. In a similar way, the now old-fashioned "man and wife" used at wedding ceremonies instead of "husband and wife" reflected the same unequal status. If a woman was referred to as "John's widow", defining her by her late husband was typical of women's status in patriarchal society, with language reflecting inequality.


No guides to the English Language state that a man's surviving spouse has to be referred to as "his widow" or that a woman's surviving spouse still has to be referred to as "her husband". This unequal use clearly reflects inequality in society, being a throwback from the days when women were defined by men. Lakoff actually mentions in her 1975 book that it wouldn't even be acceptable to say that "John is Mary's widower (Lakoff, 1975, p.63), despite it being grammatically correct. However, more equal uses of language have began to appear in more recent decades, as the equality between men and women increases. There are indeed many examples online of references to a man as "X's widower" or "the widower of X", but there are still a great deal more examples of a woman being referred to as "X's widow".

Changes in society since the 1970s have led to changes in language. But there is still inequality reflected in language use. I hope that eventually more equality will come to the way English is used, and that women and men will be represented more equally in language.


REFERENCE: LAKOFF, ROBIN TOLMACH (2004)(originally published in 1975), Language and Woman's Place: Revised and Expanded Edition. Oxford: Oxford University Press